“Pursuit and seduction are the essence of sexuality. It’s part of the sizzle.” Camille Paglia
I’ve been waiting to write this blog for awhile now. I was searching for words in my head and thinking about what to say. I knew the title from the start. I know what to say because it’s all on the tip of my tongue. But knowing what to express and being able to express it are two totally different things. It’s a battle that I’ve fought with my entire life.
I named this blog freedom. Sometimes second life gives people the freedom that they have always sought. It’s here that I found bravery. It is here that I learned it’s okay for me to be me. And it’s also here that allowed me to slowly shed the skin of self hatred and expectation.
I needed freedom like I needed water. I had a few friends long ago who were brave enough to be themselves in all worlds. I looked up to them at times. I was jealous of them and I envied them. But I was also incredibly happy for them too–all at the same time. Being human is tough sometimes with all those emotions floating around.
I needed the freedom to take this picture. I also needed the freedom to say that I was Bisexual in this world….all worlds really–pansexual is always up for debate with me, but for now it’s that box that I fit into in rl–but like my pics state humans don’t belong in boxes. We’re more complex. However, this is not a title that I have declared until this year. I was incredibly uncomfortable with who I was as a person. I can’t shout it from the mountain tops in real life to my blood related family, but I can definitely shout it in my second life.
Despite my recent acceptance, I had one very regretful fight inworld with a friend. I have always felt remorseful for that fight. It all stemmed from things about me. I held deep seeded shame. I wasn’t okay in my own skin. And I needed time to be okay, which sometimes takes more time than people realize. They only saw me as rude and defensive. Maybe I was. I wanted so badly to explain those feelings, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to tell them that I was ashamed and embarrassed. I wanted to explain why, but I was afraid my friend would assume that I rejected them—because I was rejecting myself. I was definitely in a pickle.
In my rl childhood home, LGBTQAI topics were never discussed. It wasn’t an option. It wasn’t a choice (not that being who you are is a choice). I couldn’t declare it, without rejection from family. Growing up that way had a deep impact on so many things. I never declared my sexuality. If people made the assumption of straight, I never corrected them. Looks can always be deceiving. I’m guilty of explaining too much, but in a repressed household—explanations can be damning. So yeah, I explain a lot because it’s freeing to do so.
I finally said the things in this blog that I have always wanted to say, but never had the courage to–until now. And I myself am learning to be proud of the person that I am and not shameful. One day, I know that shame will leave my soul and acceptance of myself will be right there waiting for me—and I know that the people in second life have definitely been part of that path and I am forever grateful.
Speaking of friends inworld, I have a friend of a friend who’s a designer and made this really hot lingerie for Collabor88. In the ad, there are wings, but the outfit does include a hud to hide them. My friend with the red, low back and short dress bought it from the Kinky event. I really enjoy these two events and usually go broke. So I highly recommend both. If you find these outfits to be hawt, check my credits down below.
As always, be kind to one another and to yourself.
Me with the dark hair
Hair–Magika–Fool For Love–Sabina Gully
Eyepatch–::Supernatural::–Circe headband and eyepatch, sold together by Sombria Baily–ROMP Nov 2017
Head–LeLutka –Simone by Thora Charron
Gloves, and lingerie–Elivah–Runa’s collection by e l i a v a h ღ (eliavahazaleia)–Collabor88
Eyeshadow–ItGirls –Goddess shadow appliers by Annie Jolifaunt
Lipstick–The Studio Exposure –Dramatic by A S H K E Z E N N (ashamti)
Nail Polish–Alme—black and white shiny by Chloe Electra (chloeelectra)
Skin–DeeTalez–Jolie by deetalez.com (steffi.villota)
Pose–Infiniti –The Sweetest Pose by Brandi Monroe–ROMP Nov 2017
Boots–Reign–Marylin by KENADEE REIGN (kenadeecole)
Rings–Yummy–Dark Magic RIng Set by Polyester Partridge–C88 Nov 2017
Head–Catwa–Lona by Catwa.Clip (catwa.clip)
Eyes–L’Etre–Real Eyes by Dᴀᴠɪᴅ Cᴏᴏᴘᴇʀ (dam1710)
Body–Maitreya –Lara by Onyx LeShelle
Hair–Rama Salon –Kendall Hair by Katarina Monk– At FaMESHed Nov 2017
Dress–Sweet Thing–Charisma by Aya (ayashula)–Kinky Nov 2017
Shoes–Reign–Maaike heels by KENADEE REIGN (kenadeecole)–old gacha item, availability limited.
Skin–Lola–L’Etre — by David Cooper (dam1710)